Intro

I wanted to start this blog up as a way of documenting and sharing my experiences with people. I have a very special daughter who is now almost 7, her name is Isabelle or Izzy for short. I had a normal pregnancy with her (although I was under enormous stress relating to the breakdown of the relationship with Izzy's father). Things throughout the pregnancy really did develop normally and really there were no concerns. Izzy had a long and difficult birth, but nothing that was really out of the ordinary. Looking back the one thing that really stuck out in my mind was that she never cried when she was born, I guess I thought this is what should happen! I remember looking at her in utter disbelief at this amazing and precious new life looking at me, her incredible big blue eyes (and also her rather large head which I will come to later). Izzy just lay there, eyes wide open and it felt like the most overwhelming yet inspirational moment in my life.

I will also point out here that I was a single parent. I felt a little lonely at times, but as most parents know, you don't have a lot of time to think about that with a new baby to look after! I guess it was the small things that I noticed most, not having someone to share the precious first times with. I kept this all at the back of my mind and kept looking forward.

As Izzy developed, things seemed OK, apart from the fact she really didn't seem to need much sleep and was really difficult to feed. I managed to perserve with breastfeeding until she was 6 months old (looking back i don't know why or how I managed for so long! Izzy really had no concept on just feeding normally and a feed could last up to 4 hours, this went on till she was 6 months). The sleep deprivation, like every parent knows was hard, but in my mind I knew that in a year or so from now her sleep would be established an I would not feel like a zombie forever!

Little did I know that this poor sleep pattern would be taking me up to the present day!

I think Izzy was 6 months old when I had this feeling, that I cannot really explain, just this niggling feeling that something just wasn't quite right.

This blog is my journey of finding our way through instincts and working out the best way in which to move forward and make the best life out of what I already had...but didn't always realise or trust was there.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all the experts of our own children, yet sometimes this can get swayed or lost when we listen to or at time get bombarded with 'professionals' opinions. I am not for a minute devaluing any advice or information I have been given, but at times depending on how you as a parent are feeling, we don't always take in exactly what has been said or challenge it and can go away from a situation feeling more confused and even more isolated.

I hope that by sharing my experiences with you and our journey so far, it may decrease that sense of loss and isolation that we can feel when we find out that our child has a disability or is temed 'different' to their peers. I now feel incredibly blessed that my child is different, she has taught me so much about the world in a different way and for me she has the ability to not fit in where most of us strive each day to do just that!